


Talk Me Down

by ilyoongi



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Related, Drunken Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5054773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyoongi/pseuds/ilyoongi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson has been in love with Mark for far too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna sleep next to you  
> But that's all I wanna do right now  
> And I wanna come home to you  
> But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
> 
> I wanna sleep next to you  
> But that's all I wanna do right now  
> So come over now and talk me down
> 
> -(Talk Me Down) Troye Sivan

It wasn’t the first time Jaebum had looked sideways at Jackson, but this time there was a different tilt to his head, like he knew something Jackson didn’t. Jackson wanted to believe it wasn’t about the way he was entangled in Mark, who at some point had fallen fast asleep during the movie. He wanted to believe he wasn’t obvious enough, but he knew better. Mark was on his stomach, half of his body sprawled over Jackson’s, his head under the younger boy’s chin, and Jackson realized that one of his hands was playing with Mark’s hair, twirling it over and over. Jaebum’s expression became something more like pity, and Jackson pretended that he didn’t notice it.

 

Youngjae was on the floor, leaning against Jaebum’s chair, his eyes glued on the movie.  Jackson couldn’t help but smile. Youngjae didn’t have anything to worry about. The boy he loved loved him back completely and wholeheartedly- his hand was up on the armchair he was leaning on, his fingers curled in between Jaebum’s. Next to him was Bambam, sprawled on the floor, also fast asleep. Youngjae and Yugyeom jumped in unison as something happened on screen.

 

“Jinyoung’s missing out.” grumbled Yugyeom, chased down moments later by a resounding “SHH.” from Jaebum and Youngjae.

 

Jackson finally felt Jaebum’s gaze turn back to Youngjae and he hooked his fingers in Mark’s hair again, making sure to be gentle enough not to wake him. Jackson had been in love for too long, and he knew the chances of falling out of it were so slim. When he looked at Mark, asleep on his chest, he knew he has never seen anyone so beautiful. Not even close. And Mark’s face kept getting lit up by the flashing screen, and he was so gorgeous, from his cheekbones to the little exhales and inhales from his pink lips- and the urge to kiss them wasn’t new for Jackson either.. He felt guilt well up in his throat like bile and resisted the urge to swallow something that wasn’t there.

 

He was betraying his best friend. He had always been betraying his best friend, from the moment they started sharing a dorm, when his first thoughts had been how hot Mark was, and steadily progressed into how perfect and amazing Mark was and how beautiful Mark was and how much Jackson wanted Mark, in every possible way.

 

At some point, the movie ended, and Bambam and Yugyeom yawned and said they were going to sleep. Neither Youngjae or Jaebum made a move to get up or turn on the lights, but they must share some sort of telepathic connection because they made eye contact for 0.2 seconds before Youngjae nodded and announced that he, too, was going to bed. And Jackson pretended not to know what was coming when Jaebum spoke, all sympathetic and sad.  
  
“I’m sorry, Jackson.” he sighed, and Jackson still kept his eyes on Mark, because it was the better option: even though it was painful, it was better then Jaebum’s well-meaning pity party.   
  
“Yeah. I know.” Jackson mumbled.   
  
“Jackson, I think you should go out, find other people. Go to a bar or something. You’re attractive, funny, you’re a really good guy. You’re wasting your time.” Jaebum said, like he’d rehearsed it, and Jackson couldn’t help the bubble of irritation in his throat. Jaebum didn’t understand. It wouldn’t be as easy as finding some fuck buddy to get over the boy laying on his chest. And time spent on Mark was never time wasted.

 

“Thank you, Jaebum. I’ll try.” Jackson lied, if only to end the conversation. He knew Jaebum had only the best intentions, and his methods would work for any other situation but this one...

 

“Ok. I’m always here for you, Jackson.” Jaebum said clearly, before getting up and leaving. Jackson decided to wake Mark up, he tapped Mark on the shoulder, first gently, then hard. He put Jaebum out of his mind.  
  
“Mark?” Jackson said, and Mark’s eyes fluttered open, a lazy smile turning up the corners of his lips when he met Jackson’s gaze. He felt a pang in his chest.  
  
“Was I squishing you?” Mark mumbled, yawning widely, and Jackson shook his head slightly.

 

“Dude, you ok?” Mark scrunched his forehead, and Jackson rearranged his facial expressions so that they wouldn’t look so affected by the aftermath of Jaebum’s words of wisdom.

 

“Yeah, the movie was just boring. And would you be so kind as to get off of me?” Jackson rolled back into his natural tone, light and humorous, and he didn’t mind too much because it make Mark smile a little and relax his forehead. The last thing Jackson wanted was for Mark to roll off of him, but Mark did, letting his hand linger on Jackson’s chest for half a second as he stood up.  
  
“We should go to the room.” Mark yawned, stretching his arms over his head.

 

“Yeah.” Jackson agreed, and he followed Mark to the dorm room, flopping on his bed the second he got within feet of it. He toed off his shoes and socks before curling under the covers.

 

“Hey, Jackson, I’ve been wondering about something.” Mark asked quietly from the foot of his bed, where Jackson could see the outline of him taking off his shoes and shimmying out of his pants so only his boxers remained.

 

“Yeah?” Jackson responded, already feeling the need to sleep overwhelm him as he sunk into the mattress-

 

“Remember on ASC, months ago or something, I was saying you needed to shut up and then you said something like-” Mark paused to flop on his back on his bed, “you said something like, I’m just an object in a room and I never talk and-”

 

“No, no, Mark, please don’t belive the things I say.” Jackson blurted, too eager to make Mark feel better. “I was just- I dunno, furthering the Markson bromance thing.” Mark let out a chuckle at that and Jackson felt instantly better.

 

“No, dude, it’s fine. I was just wondering.” Mark said, and Jackson could hear him rustling and changing positions in his bed. “Uhg, Jackson, I’m not tired at all anymore.”

 

“I am.” Jackson admitted, feeling his eyes get heavy but resisting the urge to close them.   
  
“Hey, Jackson, who’re you into right now? And Yubin doesn’t count.” Mark asked, and Jackson tried to decide which lie to tell this time. It was a painful and unfortunate routine that Mark wanted to know, at all times, who Jackson “liked.” And it’s not like, one day, Jackson’s gonna finally say Fuck it! I’m in love with you. He had accepted months back that he would rather just be friends with Mark then risk losing him forever.

 

“Why- why are you asking?” Jackson delayed, because it was almost painful to think of an alternative this time, only minutes after his conversation with Jaebum about this figurative “moving on” that was never going to happen.

 

“Eh, no reason. I was just thinking that you hadn’t hooked up with anyone in a long time, ya know, so you must be into someone, unless I’m completely misreading you.” Mark reasoned, finally giving up on finding a comfortable position and sitting up to turn on his bed-side lamp.

 

“Mark...” Jackson exasperated, even as he reached up to grab his own lamp, remaining firmly on his pillow.

 

“No, but Jackson, am I wrong?” Mark questioned, his gaze a little intense and Jackson had to will his face from turning pink.

 

“May- um, I don’t- uh.” Jackson said intelligently, his stomach sinking when Mark’s face broke into a wide smile.

 

“I knew it! I fucking knew it! Ok, I said I wouldn’t tell, but Jaebum totally tipped me off. He was all like- Jackson’s acting a little weird lately, maybe you should take him to get a drink and meet some new people- and then I was like- new people, so there has to be an old person, right-”  
  
“Mark.” Jackson snapped, “Leave me alone. I’m trying to sleep.”   
  
“Oh.” Mark started. “Sorry.” Mark’s voice was clipped, and Jackson regretted being so harsh immediately. He loved to listen to Mark’s voice most nights, too fall asleep to his soft words, but he was pissed at Jaebum and pissed at himself and pissed at Mark for being perfect and this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have.

 

“I’m- gonna go get a drink.” Mark sighed, and he got up and walked out of the room before Jackson could say anything.   
  
Fucking Jaebum, thought Jackson, fucking Mark. Most of the time he could deal with being in love with his best friend. He had Mark to himself every night to talk about whatever, he had the privilege of cuddling him on the couch without inquiries from other people- and yet it was all too much now.   
  
“I’ll get a drink too.” Jackson mumbled to no one in particular. Maybe some soju would get him back to normal, get his mind off things. He tiptoed out of the room, turning off the lamps behind him, squinting and feeling his way through the dark TV room to the dim light turned on in the tiny kitchen, and finally to Mark, who was leaning against the counter, sipping a glass of soju, looking like an angel, staring blankly at the cupboard across from him..   
  
“Stop brooding, Mark. I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Jackson said when Mark turned his head to look at him.

 

“Nah, it’s ok. I wanted a drink anyways.” Mark answered. “And I’m not brooding.” he added, looking indignant.

 

“If you say so.” Jackson chuckled, pouring some soju from the well stocked dorm fridge into a cup and leaning next to Mark on the counter. He took a swig, trying not to shudder as it sent heat through his whole body and left a horrible taste in his mouth. No matter. He could feel it in his veins.

 

“Like I’m the angsty one, douche.” Mark grumbled through a swallow of soju.

 

“But I’m not!” Jackson countered. “I’m hilarious, you love me.” He took another large swig.

 

“Hah. Hah.” Mark scoffed, enunciating each word. “Hey, but back to what I was saying, who’re you into? Who's the lucky girl?” Mark smirked, and edged closed to Jackson on the counter, elbowing him lightly in the ribs. A strange expression clouded his face. “I mean, or boy.”  
  
“Mark!” Jackson forced himself to laugh. Mark brung his hands up in the “I surrender” position.

 

“Hey, man, I’ve told you my gaydar went off the second I met you.” Mark’s mouth turned up at the corners but his nose didn’t crinkle in the way it does when he’s actually happy. Jackson took another swig.

 

“Fuck. I’m almost done.” Jackson commented, not realizing how fast he had been drinking and how light his head felt all of a sudden. “And fuck your gaydar, man, you thought Jinyoung was gay.”  
  
“Ok true, he’s the straightest. I’m done too. Imma have another, you?” Mark pulled some more soju from the fridge and motioned at Jackson to follow him into the TV room. Jackson followed, overtaking Mark and flopping on the couch first, much to Mark’s disdain. Mark sat next to him and rested his head on Jackson’s shoulder.

 

“You’re avoiding my question, Jackson.” Mark finally said after a minute of comfortable silence and soju sipping. The world was looking a little weird to Jackson now, especially in the almost-darkness, with just the kitchen light bleeding into the TV room. It was all a little slanted, a little more 3d, and Jackson knew he was well on his way to getting drunk. Not that he minded.

 

“Mark...” Jackson exhaled, looping his arm through Mark’s, “I’ll tell you later.” He had every intention of telling Mark someday, maybe in fifteen years when he’s found a beautiful girl and Mark would be nothing more then his best friend. Maybe he would laugh and say, hah, Mark, I never told you that I had a crush on you, did I? And they would laugh and it would be an inside joke for years. Remember when you had a crush on me?   
  
“Fine. But you told Jaebum, and shit....” Mark unlooped his arm from Jackson’s tentatively.

 

“No, he guessed.” Jackson stated, the alcohol in his system censoring everything a little less then it normally would.

 

“I’ll guess too, someday.” Mark promised, taking his head off Jackson’s shoulder and turning so he was leaning against the right armrest of the couch, Jackson turned to lean against the left so that he could look at Mark and tangle their legs together in the middle.

 

“As if. But Mark, I’m really whipped.” admitted Jackson quietly, as he finished his second soju glass and placed it on the floor behind the couch. The rush was exhilarating, he hadn’t drunk this much in a while; it tingled to the very tips of his fingers and made him feel like crawling over to Mark’s side of the couch and pushing him into it while kissing him hard, running his hands through his hair and maybe even taking his shirt off and running his hands over his chest and his back and-

 

“Sorry dude. But I feel. Me too.” Mark interrupted his train of thought. Jackson’s stomach clenched in jealousy. Or maybe the soju didn’t sit well with the double cheese pizza from a couple hours ago.

 

“Wow, we sound like teenagers again.” Jackson chuckled. “Drunk, angsty, whipped teens.” The words were heavy on his tongue and his gaze was probably burning into Mark’s forehead by now from all the staring he was doing, but Mark didn’t seem to notice or care. He had the remote in his hand, brushing his fingers over the buttons to try to find the big “on” one, presumably, because seconds later the TV light up with the credits of the dumbass movie they had been watching earlier. Mark grunted and paused it.

 

“There, a little more light.” Mark stated, taking a last swig of his own soju, but Jackson wasn’t listening so much as admiring the utterly beautiful boy illuminated in front of him, laid there in his stupid plaid boxers and stupid oversized gray shirt revealing his collar bones and his stupid beautiful face.

 

“I’ve loved somebody for a long time.” Jackson confessed, because, really, what did he have to lose now? He could always play it off as a past thing, as joke, as anything but the truth. But even the soju in his blood couldn’t help his heart from beating out of his chest.

 

“Ooh, who?” Mark said, his words slurring a little but still clear enough to understand, his eyes cast somewhere between their tangled legs.

 

“Guess.” Jackson challenged, smirking slightly to show Mark that it was a light conversation, not something to worry about, that he doesn’t have to tread lightly over this topic.  
  
“I have no idea.” Mark said, not meeting Jackson’s gaze for more then a moment before looking at the paused credits on the TV. “Fuck, I dunno.” he snapped, and Jackson tried not to recoil. Tipsy Mark could also be pissed Mark, but he could also be affectionate Mark and cuddly Mark so Jackson decided to take his chances.   

 

“Whatever. Tell me.” Mark’s voice softened, but his eyes were still on the TV.   
  
“Hah, nevermind. You’ll figure it out.” Jackson brushed it off. He decided he wasn’t ready for the rejection. It would hurt too much. “Well, who’re you into, then?”

 

“Eh.” Mark made a noncommittal hand gesture. “Let’s not talk about this.” His eyes lit up and he snapped a finger at Jackson “Truth or Dare? Since we’re angsty teens, right?” Mark laughed, and Jackson pretended to be annoyed by his choice of game. They did play it every time Mark or Jackson couldn’t fall asleep, and it was literally the only game they ever played, but Jackson loved it with a guilty pleasure.   
  
“Dare.” Jackson retorted.

 

“Shit, I had a good truth.” Mark sighed. “Stand up, lemme think.” Jackson complied, standing up in the middle of the large oval that the couch, two armchairs and TV made, curling his toes into the shaggy carpet as Mark surveyed the dim room for something that Jackson could use to make a fool of himself.

 

“Go wake up Jinyoung?”  Mark pondered.  
  
“No way in hell.” Jackson retorted. “I don’t wanna die.”

 

“Finish the bottle of soju.”  
  
“Only if you help me.” Jackson met Mark’s gaze again, and Mark gave the tiniest nod before going to the kitchen to retrieve the half-empty bottle and picking up the glasses that they had put on the floor when he got back. Jackson plopped onto the carpet, not trusting himself to not fall on his face if he tried to launch himself to the couch.   
  
“Here ya go.” Mark handed Jackson a full glass and sat down next to him. “Now you truth or dare me, dude.” Jackson drowned half of his glass in one throat-burning gulp, wincing as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. The buzz was pleasant, but it made the room move in ways it shouldn’t.  Mark followed suit.

 

“Truth or Dare, Marky?” Jackson hiccuped.

 

“Don’t call me Marky” Mark retorted, “and truth.”

 

Jackson thought. He could easily narrow down the possible options of who Mark’s crush is... but he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know. There was a time where he was 90% sure some of his feelings were returned. He couldn’t say what it was, exactly, but the way he and Mark interacted and laughed together and hung out and told each other everything... it screamed more then friends to even strangers. But Mark never seemed to return Jackson’s over-the-top affection on shows, never seemed to make him react in any way at all. Screw this, Jackson thought, the curiosity is gonna eat me alive.

 

“Is the guy you like in Got7?” Jackson asked. Mark took another gulp of soju.

 

“I thought we weren’t talking about this.” Mark answered.   
  
“You don’t have to tell me who, I’m just wondering.” Jackson responded.

 

“Well, fuck you.” Mark snapped, and he drained the last of his soju before training an annoyed glare on Jackson that sent a shiver through his whole body.

 

“Sorry Mark.” Jackson apologized. “I think I’m drunk now.” he reasoned, because everything was a little too sharp and the shaggy parts of the carpet looked like the could grow and wrap around Mark’s feet, up to his legs and thighs and waist.

 

“Me too. This was stupid.” Mark said. “At least we don’t have a schedule tomorrow. Jaebum and manager-hyung are gonna notice though.”  
  
“I mean, we’re over age.” Jackson said, but he wasn’t really in the conversation. He was absorbed in Mark’s softly illuminated face, his lips and eyelashes and angular jaw.

 

“Sometimes I wonder about us.” Mark commented, weaving his fingers into the shag of the carpet. “Like, Markson and shit. You used to seem so into it, on broadcasts and stuff and then Youngjae even asked me if there was something going on between us and I was like- shit.”

 

“Uh... It’s all fanservice, ya know, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, or anything, ya know.” Jackson said clumsily. The words were flowing fast in his head but his mouth wasn’t talking fast enough.

 

“Yeah. I just used to wonder sometimes.” Mark grinned, and it made Jackson uncomfortable. It didn’t reach his eyes again, and Mark rarely smiled unless he had something to smile for. Mark didn’t fake smile like this. Jackson could be completely wrong, but he could always blame it on being drunk or being horny or something- but the urge to tell him was too strong- he might regret it forever if he confesses to him, but he might die if he doesn't-

 

“Wait-  Mark- I think I fucked up.” Jackson burst quickly, and his heart began to push at his ribs. He willed himself to keep normal eye contact with Mark, to not stare for too long but also to not stare at the floor.

 

“Whaddya mean?” Mark questioned.

 

“I fucked this up. Like, our friendship and stuff.” Jackson said, nervously picking at the carpet.

 

“No, no you didn’t. Don’t worry.” Mark responded, and a gentle smile settled onto his face. “You’re thinking too hard. I’m drunk, I say weird things. I get what we are.” He reached out and put his hand on Jackson’s knee.

 

“No, no, Mark, no.” Mark was getting it all wrong, and Jackson finally knew what he had to do. “Mark, I wasn’t fooling around on all those shows. I swear to god. I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry I fucked this all up, but -” I’ve loved you for so long. I’ve dreamt of us spending the rest of our lives together, kissing you by the beach, marrying you even. Fucking you in the dorm room. Pressing you against a wall backstage at a concert and kissing you up to the mere seconds that we have before we have to go back on stage. “I like you, Mark. I’m sorry.” Jackson choked out.

  
  


Mark’s eyes widened and he let out a deep sigh, and he buried his face in his hands, leaving a cold spot where his hand was on Jackson’s knee. “Jackson, oh my god.” Mark chuckled, and Jackson should’ve assumed the worst, because that could've meant anything, but suddenly he knew. How could it not be him and Mark? How could they end up with other people? And suddenly Jackson saw it all, it all fell into place when Mark lifted his face from his hands from his face. That Mark loved him in the same way. That- that it would always and only be them.

 

“How could it not be us?” Jackson spoke out loud before he realized, but Mark just grinned and put his hand back on Jackson’s knee

 

“It couldn't be.” Mark said, looking Jackson in the eyes. “Doofus.”

 

And then Mark tackled Jackson into the floor. And Mark was on top of Jackson, his hands on either side on his head, his lips slick with spit and soju, his eyes wide and teasing, and Jackson lifted up his head half an inch to meet Mark halfway, cautiously capturing Mark’s lips in his own. Jackson could feel a heat boiling in his stomach: all his senses zoomed into overdrive as Mark kissed Jackson back, languidly and lazily, like he had all the time in the world. Kissing Mark was somehow like Jackson imagined; the softness, the gentleness that was Mark even when he tasted like alcohol and sweat. Jackson felt a swell of urgency all of a sudden- knowing that any second this could end, (he could wake up from a dream, even, it wouldn’t be the first time) and he would go back to praying that he could be like this, Mark’s body flush against his own, sucking on the olders tongue and Mark biting his lower lip in response. It was just so good, so right. Jackson tried not to whine when Mark pulled away, but he found himself content with admiring Mark’s swollen red lips and his dark eyes.

 

“We’re fucking idiots.” Mark breathed, and Jackson could only nod and push himself up so his back was against the bottom of the couch and spread Mark’s legs so that they were straddling his hips.

 

“Then kiss me, idiot.” Jackson finally groaned once he wasn’t being crushed and Mark grinned before complying, being annoyingly teasing and light with his kisses. Jackson couldn’t bring himself to mind, especially when Mark put his head farther down and brushed his lips against  Jackson’s neck.  
  
“Nice save, by the way.” Mark chuckled, his breath ghosting on Jackson’s neck.

  
“Huh-  um, what?” Jackson breathed, not really paying attention but always wanting to talk, especially with Mark. Always with Mark.  
  
“You could’ve just told me I was squashing you.” Mark said.

 

“Shut up...” Jackson groaned, before tilting Mark’s face up from his chin and pulling him in for another kiss, licking into Mark’s mouth and winding his hands into his hair, and Mark’s arms were laced around his neck and Jackson tried to pull them as close as possible, every part of him that wasn’t touching Mark wasn’t important, wasn’t real. And all the thoughts that Jackson had ever had about Mark- all the aching nights and dry sobs in the bathroom and angsty song lyrics and incredible, unbearable pain- rushed to his head and he held Mark like he would never let him go. The kisses were slowing down now, deep and languid, leaving room for breath and the smile that Jackson was sure was starting to creep onto his face. Their teeth clacked- Jackson wound his hands in the back of Mark’s shirt and pulled him back- and Mark was still beautiful, unimaginably so, and it was probably the alcohol or the surge of emotion that made tears well up in the corners of his eyes- not like he would ever let them out, at a time like this. But here was Mark. His.   
  
“I love you.” Jackson gasped. Mark was looking at him like he was perfect, and it was screwing with his head, because this was Mark, and he was Jackson. And he was still waiting for the rejection to come, because it was what he’d been steeling himself for almost every day, after every dream, every situation that he thought might mean something-

  
“God, Jackson. I love you too.”


End file.
